I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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