There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
