Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
