3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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