Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
