similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
