He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize