There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
