She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
