You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
