i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
