Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize