six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
ok first of all what the fuck
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
