by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
