remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
