Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
