New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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