So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
