if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize