hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
