I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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