"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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