ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
