Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
