He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
