It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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