I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
