billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
