nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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