I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
