I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
