Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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