i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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