i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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