Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize