i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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