Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
