Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
