Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
