My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
