Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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