The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
His nipple licking is glorious
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