Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
