Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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