I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry about my life...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
