Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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