either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
