it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
