So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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