May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
