i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
