she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize