You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
