when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
