If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
