If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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