Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
