I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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