I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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