if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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