Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
