we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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