Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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