U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
