You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize