i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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