Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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