my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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