I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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