We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
