happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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