DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont even know how to be here
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
