I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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