i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i out mim tonsoeep
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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