Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
