I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
