Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
