my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
