if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
