North Korea, Best Korea!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize