just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
