Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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