our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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