Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
