This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
