I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish I only lived at night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
