Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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