You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize