okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
