I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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