No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
