i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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