spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
