I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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