best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
