I hate your face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize