In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
