return my video game
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
