No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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