If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
