bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
