Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize