i barfeds in our rink
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
